Assorted Thingymebobs

More junk mail greeted me in work on Friday. Highlights included....

"You feel like a pig because your tool is not big?"

No you feel like a pig because you ate four chocolate eclairs last night, you dirty boy.

"Once you gain a big hanger, it will never go away from you."

Unless the USAF bombs it.

"A beast in your pants - success in your hands."

Success here means World Wankathon Champion.

Anyway, in other news, whoever stole Philip Pullman's polling card, would they please give it back. He seems very upset about it, writing in the Times yesterday.

"The nation dreams it is a democratic state where the laws were made by freely elected representatives who were answerable to the people. It used to be such a nation once, it dreams, so it must be that nation still. It is a sweet dream."

When were elections abolished and why did only Philip Pullman hear about this?

The wonderful world of junk mail

Having a job which basically involves filing all day and nothing else means you learn to enjoy the simple things in life, such as the subjects of junk mail that gets blocked by my email scanner. These provide a tantalising glimpse of what the email is about, and some of them are quite imaginative and poetical. People should check their junk mail regularly, for they could open up a whole new world to them.

For example, you could really find yourself.

"Your masculinity will find its infinity."

Thus meaning that....

"Now you can win the marathon among the well-endowed men."

Winning appears to be a recurring theme, as the authors try to entice the sort of man who punches a brick wall to show how masculine he is.

"Win the manhood fight every single night."

And of course, if you are not naturally aggressive, overbearing, or just don't have that arresting, dominating presence, then there is always the mysterious 'blue pill'.

"The blue pill will give you the feeling of wearing the crown."

"With the blue pill you can feel confident to attract any women."

The benefits of this will immediately become obvious. For....

"Women will bake you pies because of your mega size."

Who could possibly resist that? But if you're still not tempted by even the fantastic proposition of all the pie you could eat, then reflect on this little observation on life.

"Big is good, larger is better."

At the end of the day, you will become a new man.

"Become a confident user of your member."

Junk email, more important for your lifestyle than you think.

Smiling at Strangers on Trains

I love this song right now. I don't have favourite songs, just some that get in my head for a while.

Socialising

I had my weekly social with fellow MA history students today, which is very therapeutic, as an MA in history can be the loneliest thing in the world, even lonelier than the number one. Unfortunately I realised that as I spend more time studying, I merely become more opinionated and argumentative in person. Oh dear, books can be dangerous things.

But one thing I did find bizarre today was one of the Give it a Go events the Union is putting on. Why would any girl who clearly has brains (otherwise she wouldn't have been offered a spot at a Russell Group uni) want to spend their time naming erotic lingerie? I'm no prude, and whatever people want to do with their hard earned money is their prerogative, but I just don't understand why you would go to a good university for events like erotic lingerie shopping, it seems a bit pointless. Surely you good do that anyway in spare time? Use your fleeting undergraduate years (and they go far too fast...hence my MA) to do something stimulating, which may help you develop and understand yourself more.

Hysteria

I found this little delight on one of those Islamophobic websites that UKIP members get their views off.

I guess I failed to notice all those headless corpses lying around before the war on terror started.

Random Sunday musings

I was playing with the trend search tool on www.blogpulse.com today, and I decided to see how the market for the 'random' term was doing. It would appear that the market crashed on Friday, but has recovered somewhat over the weekend.

However, why did this crash occur on Friday 13th February? It would appear that all those fellow bloggers out there could not attribute the fact that they fell off a ladder, got hit by a car, or simply walked in dog poo that day to mere random chance, but have to blame it on petty superstition. Either that, or it was merely a random coincidence that this crash occurred on a day loaded with meaning for those who keep a rabbit's foot, a four-leaf clover, or a black cat attached to a bungee rope, which in turn is tied to a wooden post across the road.

Maintaining the dog poo theme for a moment, I read Giles Coren's article on dogs yesterday at http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/giles_coren/article5728143.ece .
I have to admit, my new still formulating personal philosophy is starting to move away from all form of government in theory, whilst accepting that unless in the event of a catastrophic event, we are stuck with stupid human creations such as the nation state, government, religion, Friday 13th etc. However, I have maintained my utter detestation for dogs. They have to be the most stupidest, foulest, pointless pet in the world. Get a cat, and leave it to hunt. For pity's sake, don't get a dog which cannot shit unless guided to some pavement by its owner. Thus, instead of banning, I would support Mr. Coren to the hilt, should he take a club, and cave in the skulls of every dog he should come across.

In praise of women

Apologies if this sounds grossly patronising but I was rummaging around many clothes and fashion stores today looking for a new bag and it struck me how the men's sections are shoved into a tiny corner of the shop. I suddenly realised how well and truly screwed our economy would be without women, and or the partners who buy them clothes either too big or too small forcing them to take them back and get an exchange or refund.

Plus women's fashion is better than men's, why do all men now have to buy outlandish cardigans and terrible plastic Gola bags? Horrendous.

Libertarian Party

The Libertarian Party of the UK exists apparently, and celebrated its first anniversary with a message from its leader. I particularly enjoyed this line:

"During this year we have purposely kept our size and numbers close to our chest as the party has steadily grown in strength and members throughout the year, not least because we did not wish to alarm those in the established mainstream parties as to the groundswell of public opinion that has quietly risen and is eagerly awaiting news of a general election."

Ah yes, that will be it.

But then I realised why there was all this secrecy about numbers:

"Amongst the 80 million who now live in the UK"

It would appear they have grown so fast, that the population of the United Kingdom has grown by roughly twenty million people over the past year.

www.netmag.co.uk

I love the comments posted on the articles on www.netmag.co.uk. People sign them with mini biographies such as "Tim is director of Elemental Communications" or "Gary Reid is director of search performance at The Search Works".

I have decided that I may now start signing comments I leave on peoples' facebook walls in the same manner.

More snow

People were actually texting and emailing the BBC Breakfast News this morning informing everyone where the latest influx of snow had got to. Apparently the white horde had got as far north as Staffordshire. Terrifying stuff indeed.

Snow

It looks like we have a real continental winter on our hands now. Not one of those crappy, wet ones you usually get on a little pokey island.

Unfortunately, this doesn't help when it appears that the inhabitants are terrified of snow.