Flowers by Irene

None other than the FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III has been in touch with yours truly, informing me that I am owed $10.5 million. This sum will kindly be put onto some magical ATM card which I can use in any ATM machine in the world (even the toy ones in John Lewis) and will be sent to me once I have sent $570 to Kelvin Williams in the Ivory Coast. Why the FBI is working out of the Ivory Coast hasn't been fully explained, something I'm sure President Obama would like to know the answer to as well.

However, my favourite part of the email is at the end.

"Please if you know you cannot be able to afford the $570 for the delivery of your ATM card via FedEx then do not bother to contact Mr. Kelvin Williams as we are at the End of the year and he should be busy with some other things."

Kelvin has Al-Qaeda suspects to torture you know!